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Elden Ring is huge and brimming with all kinds of deadly creepy crawlies that appear to make your time in The Lands Between as unsettling as possible. However, the creatures that keep making me most nervous are also the most mundane.
It occurred to me as I was dispatching Elden Ring boss Astel, Naturalborn of the Void–a “malformed star capable of calamitous destruction” which looks a lot like the Mr. DNA mascot from Jurassic Park was reimagined as an eldritch abomination–at the climax of the game’s toxic Lake of Rot swamp. I’d figured out how to execute the only most dangerous weapon in its arsenal and was absent-mindedly playing around with the game when I realized I was having a much better time battling this frightening creature than during encounters with Elden Ring’s more authentic wildlife.
Okay, sure, “realistic” might not be the best word for gigantic bears similar to Popeye The Sailor Man, alpha wolves which use magical soul arrows, or birds sporting swords at their feet, but it’s one of the most similar things Elden Ring has to regular animals, aside from the hilarious rolling sheep and rolling sheep, so I’ll give you an opportunity to break.
Astel On paper, it could be a bigger issue. It’s a tough one, first of all, and is located in the middle of one of Elden Ring’s more frustrating environments, and second its bizarre design makes it difficult to comprehend. Much like Dark Souls and Bloodborne before it, success in Elden Ring often comes down to being able to recognize attack patterns; it’s easy to imagine that normal animals like bears, wolves and birds would be simpler to comprehend due to their analogies in actual life, but it’s not always the way.
I don’t remember ever defeating one of Elden’s giant bears in those 90 hours (and counting) with the game. The red-furred wolves wielding sorcery scattered throughout the Lands Between continue to be my biggest nightmare. I break out into a cold sweat every whenever I hear the familiar sound of an unnoticed attack bird, posing for photos on a branch or on a castle rampart. When I was confronted with another boss similar to Astel earlier in my journey, I went into the battle with confidence and took it down on one shot.
It’s true that what’s difficult for me may not be so difficult for someone else. I’m fairly certain that I have some sort of mental block that immediately puts me in a tizzy when fighting one of Elden’s animals that is more realistic, implanted by previously frustrating encounters.
Whatever the reason the truth is that I’m not able to get my head around them. The birds could be snatched by a flurry of attacks and I’m able to fight the magic the wolves with repeated attempts in the event that I am lucky and every time I encounter the gold poop which indicates that one of the bigger bears is in close proximity, I high-tail it out of the area as soon as possible. Do not think about becoming Elden Lord or defeating super-bosses like Malenia without any support, being able to confront a bear likely be my most challenging Elden Ring challenge. Please pray for me.
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